Chitungwiza ‘runyoka’ man gets permanent erection

Farai Mutamira, who maintains that he never slept with a married woman, is appealing for help.

By Nyore Madzianike
In a suspected “central locking system (runyoka)” case, a 27-year-old Chitungwiza man is struggling to find an antidote for his penis which has been eternally erect for the past TWO WEEKS!
Farai Mutamira of House No 4023 Unit D Chitungwiza, contrary to what his name suggests, is not happy! He is said to have his one eyed monster ‘refusing’ to ‘ease down’ to its flaccid state after his last session of sexual intercourse with his girlfriend, Nyaradzo Maphosa (27).
But some baffled neighbours speculated that he might have slept with a married woman who was ‘locked’ under the central locking system (runyoka). “He has been struggling with his penis for two weeks now. It remains erect and it has never been flaccid since this problem began.

TO SEE THE FULL PICTURE OF FARAI’S BIG PROBLEM CLICK HERE

“We believe that he has been bewitched with the central locking system (runyoka) after he had sex with a married woman. “I suspect that the husband had devised a central locking system for the woman without her knowledge. “Her husband could have done it to protect his wife from intruders,” a neighbour speculated.
And the pained man is desperate and would not hesitate to show his throbbing joystick which has not been giving him any joy of late, to anyone who may have the least idea how to help. H-Metro also got shots of the restless seed-sower!
The neighbours speculated that the woman’s husband could have died and gone with the “keys” to unlock the wife! When H-Metro visited Farai at his place, he was writhing in pain. Fatso, as he is affectionately known in his neighbourhood, said that he was in the dark as to the cause of his rare condition.
He said all he wished for now was a “speedy recovery” as he was enduring a lot of pain. “I am in deep pain. The problem began some two weeks ago when my penis erected and never ‘returned’ to its flaccid state. “The problem is that it itches and burns at the same time. The pain worsens each time I urinate.
“I am praying to the LORD for my speedy recovery,” he said. But his sexual desire has never waned since the “hot-rod condition” started, he still has his mojo! He said sometimes he feels the strong urge of having sex but the problem is that “there would be no one to satisfy my sexual affection”.
Farai said that he has been in love with Nyaradzo for two months and they have had sex several times with no problems to his Willy whatsoever. “We have been going out for the past two months. We have had sex on a many occasions at her house,” he said. His aunt, Emilia Mutamira (65) attributed Farai’s rare condition to witchcraft.
She said that Fatso could have been “locked” by his girlfriend’s former lover. Gogo Mutamira said that she discovered Farai’s ‘disease’ when they visited doctors at Chitungwiza General Hospital where she had gone with him over a separate disease. “What perplexed me was the fact that he used to constantly ask for some Vicks from me which he used to rub on his itching penis.
“While we were at the hospital, I asked the doctors to look down his pants and that is when they discovered the ‘condition’. “The doctors at the hospital failed to diagnose the disease and referred us to a specialist doctor. “The specialist doctor also failed to deal with the ‘disease’. “That was when I decided to consult some other elder members of the community who advised me to visit some traditional healers,” she said.
“We are convinced that he was bewitched. “There is nothing wrong in him finding a sexual partner but the problem he is currently facing is a thorn in the flesh. “We have been consulting traditional healers and we are yet to see any change,” she said. The man still has a constant and consistent ‘rush of blood to the head’; but definitely not the head on his shoulders!
But Nyaradzo denied that she was ‘locked’ and she was the cause of Fatso’s eternal erection. She blamed her boyfriend’s relatives for cursing him. “It is not true that his problem has been caused by me. His relatives who do not want to see him prosper in life cursed him. “I have been praying to God that he recuperates from his problem so that we can enjoy our love life,” said Nyaradzo.
She was longing for her sexual partner to recover quickly so that they could resume playing ‘adult games’! “He is the one that I was given by the Lord and I believe he will be okay soon. “His relatives know everything regarding the problem he is facing. “He had been suffering from a mental problem before and now he has become normal.
“Now they have found another way of jeopardising his life. “We believe in God and everything will be fine. One day we will get married and shame the devil,” she said. She was optimistic that Fatso will be back in action soon! Gogo Mutamira asked for help from anyone who knows how to cure Farai’s condition.
After the interview, Farai asked for a prayer from the H-Metro team. The former security guard was all smiles after the prayer saying he was looking for a job. “I will be happy if I can secure a job. I need a job to raise money for the family upkeep,” he said.
Unless someone comes to his rescue, Fatso will have to live with the ‘hard on’! Anyone who can assist Farai with his condition can send an sms to 0772 888 839 and maybe he can soon rest his throbbing busy ‘joystick which has become a rod of pain!
Please note the person with the number to which text messages must be sent is NOT the one with an eternally erect male member!  H Metro

ZiFM radio station rocked by sex scandal

HARARE – Radio station ZiFM has been rocked by allegations of a sex scandal involving veteran presenter Kimble Rogers and a fellow female employee in the marketing department (name withheld). 
Rogers however scoffed at the allegations and said they were driven by malice.

Kimble Rogers

“Well I am not familiar with such an incident, what I know is that I took some days off because I had to attend a funeral. All the other stories you are hearing are not true, I simply applied for leave,” he said.
According to a source, the Supa Mandiwanzira owned station has suspended Rogers for allegedly sexually harassing a colleague. It is alleged that Rogers was ‘tempted to touch’ and he pulled the colleague’s bra strap without her consent.

“Well, Kimble pulled his colleague’s bra strap. He did not fondle her breasts because she resisted and reported the matter to management,” revealed our source. This action, it is alleged, riled the colleague who reported the incident to management.
His slot has since been taken over by Delani Makhalima amid revelations that part time presenters snubbed the slot as it gave them more workload. However, despite his spirited denial, sources from within the station insisted that management decided to suspend Rogers as investigations are underway.

Drama as married soldier is caught cheating

HARARE – There was drama in Glen View last week when a married soldier was caught red handed sleeping with his colleague’s wife. The 33 year old soldier, Sam Makuvise, received a thorough hiding for his actions.

Sam Makuvise and Vongai Madzore

Sam was allegedly caught bedding his colleague Tawanda Shumo’s wife identified as Vongai Madzore, 23. The cheating couple was caught at around 11 am on Tuesday in Glen View 3 after Tawanda acted on a tip off and found the two having quality time at a shebeen.

They had booked a love nest from 18 year old Kudzai Chitanda, who is a tenant at the shebeen. They had paid US$15 for an undisclosed period in Kudzai’s lodgings. Sam confirmed that he was clobbered by Tawanda who alleged that he (Sam) was sleeping with his wife.
He said although Vongai responded to his romantic advances, he never slept with Tawanda’s wife. He was forced to admit that he had slept with Vongai because he was under duress, he claimed.
“Although Vongai showed signs of loving me, to be honest I never cheated with her as it is alleged. I suspect that Tawanda is trying to make a plan to divorce his wife after receiving rumours that she is cheating on him.
“I visited Kudzai’s room at the shebeen because I usually go there to get beers and Kudzi is the one who called me saying Vongai wanted to meet me. Tawanda clobbered me and hired mahwindi to assault me.
“Vandirova zvakasimba and they took my cellphone which I am trying to recover from them. I am yet to decide whether to make a police report or not,” he lamented.
He added: “They forced me to call my wife informing her that they had caught me b….. (sleeping with ) Vongai and I complied after being beaten. I am happily married and I love my family and wife: there was nothing happening but please delete the pictures guys.”
His alleged lover said she knew Sam only as her hubby’s workmate and NOTHING more.
“Yes I know Sam as someone who works with my husband but I never cheated with him and Sam found me at my parent’s house not in Kudzai’s room. My first encounter with Sam was after he came to settle a dispute between me and my husband following our failure to pay rentals.
“Sam is related to our landlord: that is how I got to know him and I wonder what my husband is up to,” said Vongai. Tawanda however, insisted that he caught his wife with his workmate after receiving a tip off. Bragging about his catch, Tawanda narrated his ‘trap’ on Sam and his wife.
“I faked duty and put on my uniform this morning before returning to catch the two at the shebeen queen’s house at around 11am.
“We are coming from her aunt in Marimba Park and she refused to entertain the issue and we are going to another aunt who resides in Waterfalls so that they know what Vongai is doing to me.
“She cannot even respect that she is nursing a baby and I wonder what lesson she is teaching my children, I never believed that my fellow workmate was salivating for my wife all along and today I taught him a lesson,” said Tawanda.
H-Metro witnessed the drama at the intersection of High Glen and Kambuzuma road after another man who identified himself to Tawanda as a police officer demanded the release of Sam from their hands.
Meanwhile, despite Sam and Vongai claiming that their hands were clean, Kudzai acknowledged offering them a base for their cheating games.
“I charged them US$15 to use my room because I stay alone at the shebeen queen’s place. I am an adult. I have known Vongai for quite some time and we used to stay together at house number 573180 Crescent where she lives with Tawanda.
“I was surprised to see Tawanda accompanied by his relatives pouncing on my room where the pair was having quality time,” said Kudzai.
When H-Metro left the place Sam had recovered his cell phone while Tawanda headed home with his family as Vongai shouted at Kudzai for selling her out.
Tawanda and Vongai have been married since 2009 and are blessed with two children

Shocking,, too much Sex sweetness’ kills a man

A Malawi newspaper the Nyasa Times is reporting that a man died in the commercial city of Blantyre after engaging “himself beyond the limit of sexual frenzy.” Fletcher Jere died ‘riding’ a commercial sex worker because of “too much sweetness” in the densely inhabited township of Ndirande the paper reported.

Police spokeswoman Edina Ligowe

Police spokeswoman Edina Ligowe (pictured) confirmed the story in an interview with the Daily Times saying “Jere died of too much sexual excitement and sweetness.” Police said they are treating the issue only as sudden death.

Jere is said to have passed because of “cardiogenic shock”—a technical term described by those in the know as a state in which the heart fails to supply blood to the rest of the body—during the sexual encounter.
Police spokeswoman Ligowe added that that the sex worker will not be prosecuted because she committed no crime by being “too much sweet” for the man. The Nyasa Times reported that Jere had desperately wanted to ‘sleep’ with a woman and nature pushed him to the edge.
When he could not get any sex from anywhere else, he resorted to find it from a prostitute. Jere is said to have found the prostitute in Ndirande and quickly engaged himself into romps to quench his libido.
“The man was busy enjoying himself and suddenly fell off the bed. The prostitute, who got scared, called her neighbours to come and see what had happened. They found the man dead,” said the source.
It is not clear however if Jere had a medical condition that could have sent him to the grave but what is clear is the fact that he died during the sex escapade.