Hilarious Things That Are Always Written on CV’s & Cover Letters

Most CVs are well laid out and give recruiters enough information to decide whether that person is suitable for a role or not.

From around the net, we found this list of 20 ridiculous things people wrote on their CV’s and cover letters full of spelling mistakes and typos. Which is a good excuse why you should give your CV one more look before sending it out. 

However, the identity of the people who wrote these gaffes has been hidden.


Enjoy and don’t be a victim.
1.Achievements  – “I came first in the school long distance race”

2.hobbies – “Horse rideing,like going pub when havent got my kids.looking after kids and doing stuff with them when they anit at school.”

3.Email address – Lazysod@……

4.Achievements – “Being sober”

5.About me – “My favourite colour is Toupe, cos it rhymes with Dope”

6.Reason for leaving – “It was hard work”

7.Personal profile – “I be no stranger to double-entry. I loves numbers, and my wife and I loves journals
and ledgers! Can also do tricky sums when I puts my mind to it. Computor litrate.”

8.Cover Letter – “This is my CV I am intrested in any job opening use have avaiable if u could please send a vercation that you reciceved the email”

9.Personal profile – “I do have convictions (drug offences) which are spent some 30 years ago for when I was 16-18 and have a caution for 4 years ago for criminal damage”
10.Hobbies – “Marital Arts” (Possibly meant martial arts?)

11.Key Skills– “Perfectionist with a keen I for details.”

12.Key skills: “I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.”

13.Hobbies –  “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

14.Skills – “Speak English and Spinach.”

15.Skills – “I have technical skills that will simply take your breath away.”

16.Email address – hotsexyluv@…….

17.Skills – “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

18. Key Skills “Quick lerner, good at mats amd speling”

19.Qualifications – “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

20.Cover letter – “Please disregard the attached CV; it’s totally outdated”

Stagnant? Try disobeying your beliefs

I spent a lot of time this week working with a friend of mine who is a corporate leader. My assignment was to take this leader through a mental reconfiguration so as to align the person’s thinking with purpose.

What I thought would be a simple and interesting exercise has turned out to be one of my most difficult assignments yet. I have reached unprecedented heights of frustration and I have been tempted give up the task.

 

The irony is that I have a very willing student, who is excited about changing and experiencing this mental reconfiguration. The student is also very attentive and quite brilliant, and has a track record of being a very quick learner.

What then is the problem?

Well, I have experienced first-hand what has been in the good book for thousands of years, that we should take heed how we hear.

How we hear gives meaning to what we hear. There are many people like my student who can sit attentively and hear the right thing, but what will determine what they get out of it is how they hear it.

The difference arises from the fact that often, we hear through the prism of our belief systems. Some people hear what they already believe in, while others believe in what they hear. In essence, some people only hear the things that are consistent with their established belief system and nothing new.

As such, no matter how attentive they are, no matter how intelligent they are, and no matter how willing they are to change, they find it difficult to do so.

They hear only the things that reinforce their established positions on issues. This is what is responsible for the containment of many people in their present form.

They desire a new level for themselves. They know that they can be more than what they are. They spend thousands in training and development programmes, but they never see the changes they want. The problem is in how they are hearing.

We are products of our thoughts. We cannot get to the next level of our lives with the thinking that got us to the present level of our lives. We cannot change our thinking if we approach every knowledge through our belief systems.

This requires a total shift of attitude, and that entails allowing for a margin of error concerning our belief systems. We must be ready to let go of some of the things that we once held strongly.

Some of our belief systems came from teachers, parents, religious teachings and environments that we hold as infallible.

Our perceived infallibility of the source of our belief systems is what determines how strongly we hold on to their views.

I write a lot about my mother because she was a very strong influence in my life growing up. However, as I grew older and wiser, I had to come to terms with the difficult reality that my mother was not always right.

She taught me things like, slow and steady wins the race. But as I grew up being slow and steady, I was not winning. I discovered for myself that fast, focused and consistent won me more races.

As difficult as it was to let go of what I considered an infallible source, I realised that I had a destiny to fulfil. I am so sure that my mother will be smiling down at me from heaven today, grateful that I had the courage to rebel against some elements of my very conservative upbringing.

Every person has a choice to shape history or to be shaped by history. We shape history by bold actions in the present. We are shaped by history by justifying our inaction in the present, based on our belief systems.
 Remember that what you hear is useless if how you hear it is wrong. Do not hear with the attitude of reinforcing belief, but with the openness that leaves room for the possibility, for example, that as infallible as you considered your sources to be, times could have changed and what you held on to is no longer valid.

7 Good Luck Tips To Keep You Ahead in Life

Sometimes most of us get by life through sheer luck. Some of us are lucky while some of us not so much. Do you want to experience luck in career, life and whatever you do?

Here are some 7 good luck tips.
Keep a luck diary.
Write down anything positive or lucky that happened to you during the day. Ignore sad or unlucky stuff. Let only positive energy get to you.

 
Do Something Different.
Sometimes sticking to routine can be banal. Try another restaurant and you might meet someone worth meeting, read another newspaper than the one you are used to and you might get a job vacancy, watch something you never watch on TV and learn something new. This will open possibilities and opportunities.
Get Passionate about your passion.
A lot of people have passion for something but are they passionate about that something? Ask more questions and aggressively seek more answers.

 Network.
A large circle of networking friends means more opportunities. More opportunities equals more luck

Take a break.
No matter how busy you are beware of what’s going on around you. Share a joke, day dream a bit. It helps the mind make connections it otherwise wouldn’t have.

Say Yes.
Say yes to life. If you are invited out on a blind date but don’t want to go because you are shy or find it difficult to make new friends ask yourself “What’s the worst that can happen?” Then go, because what will probably happen is you will have great evening and will have made a new friend.

Expect Good fortune.
The power of the mind they call it. If you expect good things to happen to you, then invariably will.

Want To Be Successful? What It Takes To Stand Out

Substance trumps style in the long run. Here's how to make the kind of impression that lasts. Bosses spend the vast majority of their time helping other people succeed: employees, customers, vendors and suppliers... the list goes on and on. Helping other people succeed is your job, but it's also your job to focus on yourself, at least part of the time. Why? Your success creates success for others--and success requires, at least in part, standing out from the crowd and being known for something.

Of course there are different ways you can stand out. For example;


 
1. Be first, with a purpose- Lots of business owners are the first to arrive each day. That's great, but what do you do with that time? Organize your thoughts? Get a jump on your email? Instead of taking
care of your stuff, do something visibly worthwhile for the company. Take care of unresolved problems from the day before. Set things up so it's easier for employees to hit the ground running when they arrive. Chip away at an ongoing project others are ignoring. Whatever you choose, do it consistently. Don't just be the one who turns on the lights--be the one who gets in early and gets things done. The example you set will quickly

2. Be known for something specific- Meeting standards, however lofty those standards may be, won't help you stand out. Go above the norm. Be the entrepreneur known for turning around struggling employees. Be the business owner who makes a few deliveries a week to personally check in with customers. Be the boss who consistently promotes from within. Be known as the person who responds quicker, or acts faster, or who always follows up first. Pick a worthwhile mission and excel at that mission.

3. Create your own side project- Excelling at an assigned project is expected. Excelling at a side project helps you stand out. The key is to take a risk with a project and make sure your company or customers don't share that risk. For example, If your company is implementing a new system, try to be more knowledgeable on its implementation by going an extra mile of reading as well as doing extra work in its implementation. In short, be "that guy" who is called upon when every other person has failed. The same works for a business owner. Experiment with a new process or service with a particular customer in mind. The customer will appreciate how you tried, without being asked, to better meet their needs, and you'll become "that guy."

4. Put your muscle where your mouth is- Lots of people take verbal stands. Fewer take a stand and put effort behind their opinions. Say you think a project has gone off the rails; instead of simply showing everyone how smart you are by pointing out its flaws and revamping the timeline, jump in and help fix it. It's easy to criticize what's wrong or to talk about what should be changed or could be improved. The people who stand out are the ones who help do something about it.

5. Show a little of your personal side- Personal interests help other people to identify and remember you. That's a huge advantage for a new business or a company competing in a crowded market. Just make sure your personal interests don't overshadow professional accomplishments. Being "the guy who ran a marathon" is fine, but being "the guy who is always training and traveling to marathons so we can never reach him when we need him" is not. Let people know a little about you; a few personal details add color and depth to your professional image.

6. Work harder than everyone else- Nothing is a substitute for hard work. Look around: How many of your competitors are working as hard as they can? Not many. The best way to stand out is to try to out-work everyone else. It's also the easiest, because you'll be the only one trying. 

Drop those bad habits before they wreck your career

It is difficult to land a well-paying and stable job. But it is even harder to keep that job. This is because circumstances can conspire to take away a hard-earned and well deserved job. Other times, an employee can lose a dream job through improper behaviour.


One such case is absenteeism. Though it may never be entirely eliminated, the career minded individual must take the necessary steps to ensure that their job is not threatened by habitual absenteeism.

To start with, it is important to understand the modern corporate institution. Every institution exists to fulfill some objectives laid down by the sponsors, owners or shareholders. Therefore, the company’s objectives come before everything else and the rest of the supportive structure, including staff, are there to facilitate this process. Though an organisation may condone some misconduct, habitual mischiefs – including absenteeism – will simply fast track your path to the exit.

Major cause

A disordered personal life is a major cause of absenteeism. Getting your life in order should therefore be a primary goal. For instance, getting school transport for your children could be the solution to your habitual lateness as you struggle to drop and pick your children at school every day. Other people are engaged in personal businesses that require personalised attention during working hours, which nibbles away quality working time.

And yet others have taken up destructive habits such as excessive drinking that inevitable leads to absenteeism. Other create all manner of excuses to keep off work. For instance, during a recent matatu strike, an employee was shocked to learn that everyone else turned up for work. Why? They took the strike news as gospel truth and stayed home without bothering to seek alternative transport.

It is important to prioritise issues and plan your life. What is important to you? What must be done now and what can be put off for later.  Not everything personal must be done during working hours as you would like us to believe. You can always call your mechanic to pick your car, as opposed to you delivering it.

Never ending

Your kin can visit you at home as opposed to coming to the office to discuss that never ending family land feud. When it comes to leave, plan well in advance for your annual leave to ensure all your objectives are met. In so doing, you must be realistic and avoid biting off more than you can chew.

Remember that without your job, your life would be quite uninteresting. Take time to reflect on where your career is headed. Critique your own actions and make corrections as you move on.

In any case, if the company were yours, how much of your own selfish behaviour would you take? Make a point to avoid distractions and invest faithfully in your career. At the end of the day, isn’t it wiser to pay now and play later rather than play now and pay later?