Hilarious: Dan Ndambuki a.k.a 'Mwalimu Kinga'ngi' Talks About His First Time In Nairobi

What was your first time in Nairobi like? Did you gawk at the tall buildings with awe and wonder? Most people’s stories of their first time in Nairobi tend to be more than hilarious. 

They can later afford a laugh when they get used to navigating the city from one corner to the other and knowing every street, lane  and avenue by name.

Cate Mukei sought to find out what was Churchill’s experience was like when he first stepped into Nairobi.


When did he come to the big city?
I came to Nairobi in 1990 with my uncle.
What did his uncle used to say about where he lived?
Before leaving Masaku, my uncle who by then was working for Mbuni Dry Cleaners in industrial area has spoken highly of his neighbourhood in Nairobi. He lived in Dandora but he spoke about it like like it was Lavington or Runda.

What happened after they arrived at Machakos Country bus?

Had never seen so many people in the same venue apart from the pastor Reinhard Bonnke crusades I watched on TV. I would bend whenever we passed near tall buildings. 

They looked like they were going to fall on me.

What was his first meal in Nairobi?
At Luthuli we ate chips and sausage. I would be lying if I said that I had tasted suc sweet food before. What really shocked me was not even the taste of the food, but how everyone was eating in a hurry.

What shocked him the most?
Why were there no seats? What had happened to the stools? I wondered.

What impressed him the most? 
I was impressed by the way people mixed tomato sauce with vinegar and chilli sauce. I had not used either before so I decided not to embarrass myself.

When did the moment of truth hit Churchill?
This happened when I discovered that after all my uncle did not live in the leafy suburbs.

We were bundled in one matatu to Dandora Phase Three. In fact, without exaggerating only the driver was able to breathe in that matatu since he sat alone and his window was open.

What was the experience like living in the city?
I went to my uncle’s house first before moving in with my aunt where I really suffered! This people served Ugali meant for one person in a plate and sliced iut to be shared by the hole family.

It was also so soft and two pieces were never enough. However, since everyone got satisfied after two pieces I also learnt how to pretend.

What amazed him about Nairobi’s lifestyle?
I was amazed by how little kids spoke English. They sounded like cartoons on TV. That was so intimidating since I was in college and could not speak in English.

What did he do to cover for his ‘inadequacies’?
I resorted to using sign language so that people could not realise that I could not maintain a conversation in English.

Churchill also says he could not understand how a man could stop a girl and hit on her. “Back at home we would chase girls to the river and if you managed to catch her, she ended up being your girlfriend. Period.

3 Secrets For The Easiest Route To A New Job

Recently, I met a man beginning a new job search struggling to figure out what kind of position to seek and what companies to target to find a position as quickly as possible. He had an impressive background, however, in a variety of roles that didn’t make her an obvious fit for any one particular field.

After college, he landed in a big company and was being groomed for leadership roles in the organization. He was given opportunities with significant responsibilities in a variety of roles and
areas of the company. This gave him remarkable broad exposure, however, never specialized in any one area. After nearly 10 years, he left the company, deciding to stay home after being dissatisfied with his job and opted to do business; consultancy contracts. However the business has not picked for about 8yrs  and the contracts are not giving him enough. He would now like to dive into a career again, but doesn’t know where to begin.
It can be difficult. However, it helped her to think logically about where she might be able to get a new role most quickly and easily.

1. Old connections are easier than new connections. Provided you haven’t burned bridges, reconnecting with people you’ve worked with in the past, who know your work, your personality, and your abilities are much more likely to be able to refer appropriate opportunities, people, or companies to you than someone that you have to find, reach out to, and explain your history anew. Job seekers often neglect to effectively seek out and connect with all the people that know them best. They feel uncomfortable going back to someone they may not have talked to in years. Their pride gets in the way if they have to admit they are unemployed. Or for various other reasons they just don’t do it. However, those people can often be the most valuable in finding a job quickly!

2. Old companies are easier than new companies. Similarly, a company that you’ve worked at in the past is more likely to consider a “known commodity” than someone new off the street. At times, I’ve seen that companies think more highly of someone coming back into the organization than they thought of them on the way out! While there certainly may be legitimate reasons you may not want to work at a particular company again, often a good previous work experience somewhere should certainly warrant consideration to go back. It often sets your resume up nicely for future opportunities as well. When a potential future employer sees that a company was willing to re-hire you a second time… it tells them that they valued you highly.

3. Old job fields are easier than new job fields. While you may want to change careers for one reason or another, it’s certainly easier to land a new position in your old field than changing to something new. An Accountant with experience in a manufacturing operation can typically land a position as an Accountant in another manufacturing operation than they can as a Financial Analyst in a retail operation. If you’re looking for the quickest and easiest route into a new position, look for jobs in the same field.

There may be good reasons to strike out into entirely new contacts, companies, and careers. However, if finding a position as quickly and as easily as possible is your highest priority, take advantage of the history you have and pursue those avenues effectively!

Man slits girlfriend's throat &had sex with her while she bled to death

A 25-year-old bricklayer, Akinloye Anuoluwapo, has been arrested by the police for slaughtering his 21-year-old girlfriend, Rafiyat Akinyemi. Akinloye slit his ex-girlfriend's throat and had sex with her while she bled to death. Below is how punch is reporting it...

Anuoluwapo slit Akinyemi’s throat at her family home in Magbon, Ogijo, Ogun state. Punch Metro gathered that Anuoluwapo allegedly murdered Akinyemi for her refusal to continue dating him.

An OND graduate of the Lagos State Polythenic Ikorodu, Akinyemi was said to be home alone last Wednesday, when Anuoluwapo came calling.

PUNCH Metro gathered that the embattled lovers, who had dated for over a year, split up late 2012 despite attempts by Anuoluwapo to prevent it.

It was learnt that Anuoluwapo knew that Akinyemi’s mother and siblings usually left the house before 8am each working day,.

He subsequently sneaked into Akinyemi’s family home at about 8.30am on the day of the incident. As expected, Akinyemi was alone.

Anuoluwapo was said to have made several attempts to have sex with Akinyemi. PUNCH Metro learnt that it was in the ensuing struggle that Akinyemi met her end.

Anuoluwapo, who is being detained at the Ogijo Police Division, said, “I don’t know what came over me, I just wanted us to reconcile and continue our relationship.

“Each time we break up, I am always severely affected; I converted from Christianity to Islam because I wanted to marry her.

“I even moved from my one-room apartment to self-contained accommodation so that she would be more comfortable. My visit was meant to be for a discussion but it degenerated into a quarrel.

“Akinyemi was not even aware that I had a knife on me when I forcefully had sex with her.”

The police said Anuoluwapo used the knife to cut Akinyemi’s throat and later had sex with her while she bled.

But the estranged lover claimed that she was still alive when he had sex with her on the couch in the sitting room.

Unknown to Anuoluwapo, some neighbours had seen him while he was sneaking into the house.

It was gathered that Akinyemi’s corpse was discovered at about 4pm by her mother and siblings when they returned home.

Although neighbours suspected Anuoluwapo, none of them initially came forward with information.

A police source said, “It was later, someone gave an anonymous tip to the police that Akinyemi had broken up several times with Anuoluwapo.

“He said each time; Anuoluwapo would get people from her community or the mosque where she worshipped to plead with her.”

No one knew where Anuoluwapo lived or worked. He had recently relocated from his home at Segun Kehinde Street, Ogijo to the PZ estate. In a bid to locate Anuoluwapo, police detectives were said to have picked residents who lived around Akinyemi’s home for questioning. Eventually one of the residents was said to have revealed Anuoluwapo’s place of work.

“A team of police detectives went to the company to arrest Anuoluwapo, but were initially refused entry. Eventually the Divisional Police Officer, SP. Toyin Afolaogun, had to come with the Divisional Crime Officer before Anuoluwapo could be arrested,” the source said.

A frightened Anuoluwapo was said to have immediately confessed his guilt upon questioning and led police detectives to his house where he had hidden the murder weapon.

The Ogun State Police Public Relations Officer, Mr. Muyiwa Adejobi, confirmed the incident.

He said, “The shirt which Anuoluwapo had worn to Akinyemi’s house on the day of the murder was found hidden in a corner with blood stains on it. The knife was found in his home.

“From our investigations, Akinyemi was already dead when Anuoluwapo had sex with her. When her corpse was discovered, her legs were still spread apart and they had become stiff. Semen too was found on her private part. Akinyemi’s body was discovered exactly the way Anuoluwapo had left it when he was through.”

Crying Shame! Citizen TV Allegations Of Mistreating Employees

Citizen TV has been accused of many things among them being operating with license, poaching honed personalities from other media stations a favour which was returned recently and now, wait for it...the media station is being accused of mistreating its employees.

The information contained within this article is a syndication of a story found on Jackal news.

"Allegations of impropriety touching on two junior Citizen Radio editors have been making rounds in Jackal News inbox for weeks. We have decided to publish these allegations with the hope that the
powers that be will investigate and act.

A number of sources say Radio News editor Young Muthomi and senior presenter Christine Ojiambo have been mistreating junior staff in what seems like total lack of leadership.

Beyond these claims of discrimination, sources say the two often peddle rumours about junior staff with the hope that they don’t rise and ”shine in their work”.

It appears that the top editor, Farida Karoney, is unaware.
Below is one letter from a staffer:
“Despite working so hard, the two have continued to discriminate us and spreading rumours among some of us who tend to outshine them.

 Whenever you send a story they think that you have been paid, they don’t air. Instead, you will hear Ojiambo reading some shady story.

 “Because of these rumours, some of us are paid less compared to others who are close to the two. This applies also to weekly allowances that are also offered on who you know best…

We know that the two have been extorting money from various politicians before their stories are carried. Some of them have even complained to us asking if that is the requirement… when Young visits our regions (supposedly local language news departments) pretending to supervise, he even pockets our allowances!”
Could this allegations be true...if so, then it’s a crying shame to the forth estate which is so hell bent on airing stories of injustices in the society.

Nakuru AllStars has today secured a six million sponsorship deal with Menengai Oil

Menengai Oil Refineries Limited managing director, Onkar Sing Rai, shakes hand with CEO Robert Muthomi, during the presentation of the dummy cheque.

The Nakuru AllStars has today secured a six million sponsorship deal with Menengai Oil Refineries Limited, through their Top Fry franchise, a deal that will run for three consecutive years.
The six million Kenya shillings dummy cheque was presented to the AllStars CEO Robert Muthomi, who was also accompanied by head coach Peter Okidi, together with team captains Evans Omondi, and Anthony Ng'ang'a, during a ceremony held at the Oyster Shell resort in the Nakuru Milimani area, where the two partners involved announced their partnership.

AllStars CEO Robert Muthomi speaking to the press during the launch of the sponsorship deal.

Speaking during the launch, the CEO said that they were very pleased to have agreed on a sponsorship deal with Menengai. "We are very pleased to be partnering with a very big name in the cooperate world." said the CEO. He went on to reiterate that Menengai Oil's involvement in other sponsorship deals with other sports outfits both in the town and around the country as one of the main reasons as to why the AllStars wanted to get into a deal with the company. "We are happy to have joined the family of sport clubs under the umbrella of the Top Fry brand."
The six million shillings is to be sub-divided into three years of two million shillings per year, with other incentives coming in the form of kits, training and playing facilities, and win bonuses, although a figure has not been agreed on that, and that decision will entirely be the sponsor's. The deal will also see the Nakuru AllStars change its name to the 'Top Fry AllStars', with the naming rights being part of the deal.
Speaking on behalf of the Menengai Oil Refineries Limited, Onkar Singh Rai, the company's managing director, said he was "...very proud to be associated with the AllStars, the oldest team in Kenya, ...now under the new flagship the Top Fry AllStars." Mr. Onkar said that one of the main reasons as to why he agreed to work with the AllStars is the charity work and the development of the youth the AllStars club has so far been involving itself with. "I find that very inspiring for such a small club...to try and take a hundred and seventy boys and have them play football, than sitting in the streets."

Coach Okidi during the launch.

Coach Okidi and the team's assistant captain Anthony Ng'ang'a, stated their joy at the deal. They fully thanked the Menengai Oil company and especially their management for agreeing to partner with the AllStars. They termed the deal as one that couldn't have come at a better time. They both pledged that they will not let down their sponsor and all their loyal fans.

AllStars assistant captain, Anthony Ng'ang'a.

The CEO looks forward to having Menengai Oil on board, in the quest to secure Premier league promotion, as Mr. Onkar stated that as one of the partnership's major goals. "We are looking forward to having a great season under this sponsorship, and we are looking forward to make our sponsors, our fans, and the Nakuru community proud of our achievements this season."

'Otonglo Boy' Daniel Owira's First Letter To His Dad Uhuru Kenyatta

HIGHWAY SCHOOL,
P.O BOX private bag,
Narobi.

Today.

Dear baba,

His Exalensy the commander in chief of the defens foses, CBS, EGH, TWEET, REPORT CARD, KUSEMA NA KUTENDA, STATE HOUSE, GRASS TO GRACER, MUMBASA, DIGITAL...i hope you are doing orait. baba, i am okey. my parents are also orait in Nyamthoi village. but father i have a few issus.

One, larry madowo is now my self appointed aid de camp following me like inzi yawa! i go for preps he is there sleeping on the desk for me-i sleep he drools, i go to the dining hall he is there i chew and he swallows, i go to the dorm he is there sleeping for me, i go to the field he is there kicking the ball for me, i go to the library he is there reading the river between for me, i go for assembly he is there singing the national and school anthem for me, i go to the toilet he is there flashing the water for me! yawa, is larry madowo a pregnant woman and me odowa
??? fadhe, should i ask kimemia or karangi to tell him to take me slowly??

Two, imagine naivas supermarket gave me 200,000 sillings only, to do an advert, which was the budget allocated for bamba tuenti of safaricom. i told them to sambaza me so that i could now have 400,000 sillings credit on my phone-they refused, saying they were giving me cheque! he he he 2 andred thausan sillings only somebody is writing on a cheque yawa he he he analogueeee!

Three, baba, halafu imagine inspector mwala hired me at kona mbaya police steson as a messenger, a messenger! somebody who transits parcels in and out of a police steson yawa! how, the son of the landlord of kenya! the son of the founding fathers and mothers and uncles and aunties and sisters and cousins of kenya!! demoson nyasachiel!! inspekta mwala, save your reputeson, donge??

Four, fadhe, the class teacher gave me homework, i didnt do it because he did not say statework. you cannot give the son of a presdent homework, you give him state duty kata state function and i attend to it donge? i told them to go to hague with their assignments nkt, hoooow?? halafu ati they wanted to punish me eeh, i told the if they mishandled a state property like me KDF will deal with them.

Finally fadhe, there is this girl in highway girls school, or sister school who i saw and fell in love with. can i borrow one of your range rover sports, which you are not using anymore to take her round during outing this saturday?? and ngina said se wants to check check, se is exiting monthly haemoglobin from her reproductive. se wants you to send her money for that. asante.
c/c secretary to the cabinet
c/c state house comptroller
c/c larry madowo
c/c cabinet secretary for youth affairs

Yours adopted son
dot otonglo dot owira
tweet me mr. president tweet me!

Mutula's Brave Grandson (Kethi Kilonzo's Son "Mumo")